nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
