Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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