But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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