Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
