I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
