adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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