my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she looked like the before picture.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
