I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
