Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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