I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
