My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
