Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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