He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
