I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
