dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
