I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
