life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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