Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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