my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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