I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
