there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
