u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
