You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
