oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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