Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
