he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
50% drunk capacity currently
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
