MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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