He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
