Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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