nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
