he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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