You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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