Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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