You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
