I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
