so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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