just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
