oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
