you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
