Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
