I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
