You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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