I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
