Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
