wat bout pragnant strippers??
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
