how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
