btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
