I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
