I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
