Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
