Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
