your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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